FOOD!

I am a big fan of food :) Especially easy to make, cheap, healthy (okay, semi-healthy-a girl can't live without chocolate!), food. So from time to time I'll post newly acquired recipes here for your enjoyment.

I must give some mad props to my sister who came up with the simple but genius plan of rotating which sibling cooks every week. This has given me tremendous delight in enjoying my off weeks, and getting to have fun and explore new recipes during my on weeks.

Although soup season is over, there have been a few days chilly enough in the last month to enjoy this tasty simple delight. My friend Cheryl G. gave me the recipe. It's very much "a little of this, and a pinch of that" so feel free to doctor the ingredients to your taste.

Flavorful Veggie Soup
-Saute 1 onion
-Add 3 chopped carrots and 3 chopped potatoes
-Spice to taste with ginger, cinammon, nutmeg, curry, salt and pepper
-Add 1 chicken bullion cube and water to cover the ingredients and then some (the more water you add, the thinner your soup).
-Boil until the potatoes and carrots are tender
-If desired puree the soup or eat as is

A Time for Everything

Soooo, this blog's been a little quiet of late, because some rather deep thoughts have been percolating. I got the opportunity to go to a re-entry conference this past week, and *sigh* I finally feel okay again. Funny enough, that feeling comes at realizing that things will never be the same again. But knowing that and being okay with that are two VERY different things. There are a thousand things I'd love to elaborate on, but I think the moment that struck me the most was when we got to watch the end of Return of the King (the 3rd in the Lord of the Rings trilogy). Now the first time I watched it, I was just sooooo ready for the movie to finally end. This time however, I couldn't stop the stream of tears as I deeply felt the paradox of "coming home" that Frodo and his companions experienced. (Trust me, the irony of crying because I was empathizing with a hobbit did not escape me).

To refresh your memory, Frodo and his companions arrive back in the shire (visions and dreams of which had sustained them during their journey), and it's home, but yet it's not the same. The 4 companions sit down at the pub where they started their journey. The scene around them is very much the same, but they are completely different. They can't enjoy the revelry as before, far too much has changed in them. They are experiencing the paradox of being back home, but no longer fitting in. Sam eventually marries the girl he left behind and has some kids. However for Frodo the shire will never be home again. He alludes to wounds he received along the journey, and painfully bids his companions good-bye and continues on down a different path. He instructs Sam to finish the book, and sails off. Finally at the end of the movie (quite some time from when he first arrived) Sam says that he is home.

I don't know how many Kleenexes I went through, but I tell you, it was no small amount. All the while I'm watching the ending, I'm remembering the first movie in the trilogy where the fellowship of the ring is formed. I'm thinking of all the things Frodo and Sam went through together. I'm reliving the moments that strengthened and tested their friendship, and I'm realizing that now it's all over with. Oh, I'm sure Sam and Frodo will keep in touch, but this quest that became both of their lives for a season was over. They didn't have demons to defeat and mountains to climb together anymore. Their paths would never intertwine in quite the same way again. So there's the loss of a deep friendship; or perhaps I should say a change in their friendship as well as the loss of this epic dream. It's beautiful really that they got to celebrate the ending in such a positive way. Many times in life the dreams we fight for, live for and even die for don't end on such a high note. But even still, there's this realization that it's over. It's time for a new journey, and a new adventure, one that will take them on different roads.

I don't know if like Frodo, I'll get to sail off to new adventures, or if like Sam my new journey will be in my own backyard with marriage and kids on the horizon, but I do know that I've finally realized that a season of my life is over. Really OVER.

I loved and hated living overseas. But in the best and worst of times, I still clung to that identity of the 20 something single living big adventures abroad. I've loved and gained, and loved and lost. I've got friendships that have gone to new depths, and friendships I've grieved the loss of. I am forever changed my things I saw God do, and the things I didn't see Him do. On the outside I look pretty much the same, but I've got some scars and wounds; some are still a little raw and need to heal, but others have given me wisdom and maturity that I greatly needed.

Grief is a funny thing. I thought I'd cried all the tears I had to cry before I returned to the States, then last week showed me that there were many more tears to fall. As my counselor said, it's not about getting the crying all over with, it's about integrating what I've gained and lost into my life now. All that I've experienced has now become a part of my story.

So goodbye to those incredible two years of living out adventures I never dreamed of. Good-bye to those hopes and dreams that I never saw come to pass. Good-bye to the doors and opportunities that were once in a lifetime events. I think I'm ready to open my hands to what the next chapter of life holds. I'll keep a couple tissues handy for the moments that catch me off guard, but I'll also start trying on some dancing shoes.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven....
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance

Do-over

Rarely in life do we get the opportunity for a completely new start, yet I find myself with just that. As I am adjusting to life back in the States, I see the life I used to live, and sometimes it shocks me. How could I have lived like that? I am so very thankful that I get the chance to really sit and examine my life and how I choose to live it. Theoretically, this should be a process we all do, however I find that we become so caught up in the daily grind that it's hard to step back and ask if how we do things even makes sense. So as I go about my daily business, I try not to simply put on the same comfortable pair of shoes, but I do a bit of introspection. Why did I do things this way? Was that working for me? How have I changed? How am I the same? What changes are good and what changes need to go? How can I take what I learned overseas and integrate it into my life here? It can be a bit stressful at times to have all these thoughts running through my head. At the end of the day however, I'm glad for the opportunity to start over. Daunting though it may be, it's a priceless opportunity, and one I want to fully take advantage of!

Belonging

Sooo, re-entry is a doozy. So far it hasn’t been as worse as original culture shock, but it’s not a bed of roses either! Yesterday I was able to pinpoint one of the reasons I have been so sad when going to places that are so welcoming towards me (i.e. my home fellowship).

I don’t yet feel like I belong.

People are greeting each other, singing songs familiar to them, and I feel like I’m on the fringes. I don’t belong to the church, and even deeper I don’t belong to the people. Yes we’re all the body of Christ, but it’s hard to not see or get a hug from the little rugrats you baby-sit, or have “your spot” for lunch afterwards, or even be able to lose yourself in worship as opposed to constantly being on guard, wondering what comes next. It’s strange how little and how much changes while you’re gone for two years. Even stranger is the way your mind plays tricks on you. I’m sure that most of the things that seem like such shocking changes to me at my home fellowship are things that have been there all along, I’m just looking at everything with new lenses now. It’s somewhat of a lonely place; looking like I belong, but not yet feeling like I do.

I’ve been slightly obsessed with appearances since I returned. I’m sure some of it is legitimate, in that my shopping needs have been repressed and restricted to occasional spurts, but I think more of it stems from my desire to belong. Maybe if I look the part, I’ll feel the part. Maybe if I dress and talk like everyone around me, this place will start to feel like home. The truth is, that like anything else, re-entry is a process. I can’t make anywhere feel like home. Even at my house, I can unpack and put photos on the wall, but I have to recognize, that it’ll take a while before I stop asking questions like Where do I find the chopping boards? What day does the trash come? Or the one I have to resist asking the most why do you do _____? That just don’t make no sense!

Through it all, God is my rock. He’s showing me that humility is key. I didn’t leave, and go through “spiritual boot camp” so I could come back and teach everybody else. Leaving was humbling, and coming back is humbling too. These are life long lessons I’m enrolled in. I get the lovely opportunity to grow in compassion to all those who leave their homes for an extended period of time, then come back to a familiar strangeness.

Beach Body Here I Come!

Since November of 2008 I made the choice to start changing my lifestyle in hopes of losing weight for good. It’s been a LONG journey of 3 steps forward and 4 steps back since my teen years, but it has been so sweet to taste success!!! I’ve lost 30.28 pounds total (the most weight I’ve ever lost at one time), but that is only one benefit. I feel better about myself, I’m healthier and get this--I have actually been able to inspire others to start healthier habits……what a hoot!!! Earlier this month I ran (and I do use that term loosely) a 10k, that pushed me to my limit, but was SUCH a huge accomplishment. It’s something I continually look back to and remind myself of what my body is capable of. I’ve learned that I have to speak truth to myself, and have faith that I CAN do things that I’ve never done before. My past failure is not a barometer of future success. It’s funny how important it is to simply believe that you can do something. That alone sometimes can make the difference between accomplishing a goal, and quitting.

Recently I decided to intensify my workout routine by purchasing an in-home 90 day boot camp. A friend recommended the program to me after she and her husband did it (he lost 50lbs in 3 months and has kept it off for a year!!!). I couldn’t wait to get my package in the mail. When it finally arrived, I completely panicked. I buried my fear in food and refused to look at the materials. “Who am I to think that I can consistently workout 6 days a week for 3 months?” What possessed me to think I could get washboard abs? Do I even want a six-pack? And so the overwhelming thoughts swarmed through my mind like the buzzards they were; eager at the chance to pick off my defeated carcass at the start line. Looking back to my journal entries in late November I found the courage to begin. After a long talk with a good friend, I’d written that I would start telling myself that this round of eating right and exercising was going to be it. I would succeed, and I would tell myself that I would succeed whether I believed it or not. I had no idea then how pivotal that would be. So here I am again, almost 5 months later with the same dilemma before me. I can hope that I’ll make it, although fearing failure at every turn; or I can tell myself that I WILL be successful in completing the program, even if I don’t quite believe it myself. I think that’s something called faith-believing in something that I can’t YET see.

And speaking of faith, I’m so grateful to all the people who’ve had faith in me when I didn’t have faith in myself. While I may have seen results recently, everyone who’s ever encouraged me in my weight loss journey is a part of my success today.

SO here’s to the next 90 days, I know I won’t be perfect, but I believe that I will complete the program and see amazing results! If I wasn’t such a chicken I’d post my before pictures with this blog, but before pictures are much less depressing when you have an after picture right next to it :)

Re-entry

I have been back now for a little over a week. All the events that have happened since I first boarded the plane could each be a seperate blog in and of itself, but I decided to play catch up by creating one blog with the whole enchillada!

This time two weeks ago I was sobbing my eyes out as I said good-bye to people who'd become my family. Then on Friday the 13th VERY early, I said one final good-bye and began the LONG bumpy journey back to the States. After a series of delays and missed flights, I finally ended up in DC w/my sis and got to enjoy sights of the capitol as I began recovering from jet lag.

I also enjoyed my first taste of sweet potatoes in 2 years....yum!!

We stayed at an incredible Bed and Breakfast that I would highly recommend to anyone visiting the DC area http://www.suite34.us.com/bnb.html.

A few days later I was back in the metroplex enjoying a warm welcome from my family and a few close girl friends.

Many thanks to my fabulous hair stylist Mrs. G who had my locks looking dark and lovely, all without charging me a dime!!!

Before

During

After!

Now I have to brag on my family for a little bit here :)

My sister has been soooo great at helping me readjust to American culture. Bless her for being calm in the face of my frequent outbursts and consistently asking "what was culture shock for you today." It's also nice having a workout buddy who is always ehm "highly encouraging" me to workout when I'd rather not :)

I went shopping with my brother, and it was INCREDIBLE. Can I just say that my brother has impeccable taste in fashion, and an uncanny sense of what will look good on someone. He was patient (I tried on over 20 pairs of jeans alone!), conscious of my budget, brutally honest, and well, every girl should be so lucky as to have a brother like mine!

I think the thing I've enjoyed the most has been LAUGHING constantly with my family. I'd forgotten how much fun we can have together.

I've definintely had moments of culture shock.......

-why is that guy coming on to me? Oh wait, he's just making eye contact-it's called good customer service :)

-people are wearing sweats and workout clothes in public and they're not working out!

-everyone drives so well-behaved here; they all stay in their own lanes!

-what's up with so much ice in drinks

-i miss the sea and mountains, everything here is rather flat

-yummy cheap fruits and veggies where are you???

-sometimes I open my mouth to speak and English doesn't come out....lol

......but overall, I'd say I'm doing alright. I can honestly say that I miss my home on the far side of the sea, but it's also good to be back in the Lone Star State!

Flat Footed Conformity

I have flat feet that only like to fit into size 12-13 shoes. Yeah, shoe shopping-like looking for a needle in a haystack! Since I’ve been jogging regularly my feet have been hurting more and I’ve decided that the best solution would be to purchase some insoles for support. After a 6 month wait (the joy of living overseas!), they finally arrived last month. I started wearing them for a couple of hours a day and was convinced that the manufacturers were playing dirty tricks on me. They hurt like @#!$%&!!! Seriously, I’d crawl into bed every night just wanting to elevate my feet, my entire body hurting from the pain.

Funny thing is that they are exactly what my feet need. I’ve worn shoes with no support for so long, that the best thing for me felt like cruel and unusual punishment. Now, 3 weeks later, my feet don’t protest nearly as much at wearing the insoles. It actually feels good to wear them. But they reminded me of an important truth. So often I choose what feels good and right when those are the very things that are keeping me from growing and building muscles that have been weak for far too long.