The Last Page

I'm a "read the last page of the book first" kind of a girl.

Well, actually a "read the last sentence of the last page first" kind of a girl.

And I never read epilogues-that's totally against the rules.

And yes, there are rules to this in case you didn't know.

The point is I like to know the ending. I want to know if the guy and the girl will get together, or is that heifer of a so called best friend going to steal him away. Will the mystery be solved? Do the good guys win? I can't possibly read a book with all these questions rolling around in my head. I need at the very least a clue to know that things are going to end well.

And if things are NOT going to end well, then I definitely need to know before I put myself through the torture of reading the whole book anticipating the wrong outcome. I can't get my hopes up only to be bitterly dashed on the last page. Knowing a tiny bit of the ending, not the whole story mind you-things have to be kept interesting, but knowing just enough about the ending, helps my heartbeat stay regular as I read the whole book.

Well, try as I might I can't fast forward through time to read the "last page" of 2010. I have no idea if this girl will get that guy, or if people I care about will die. I can't see what mind boggling dreams of mine just might come true and what tragic curve balls will punch me in the gut. The little kid part of me is excited and hopeful because I know there are some amazingly good things in store. However the mature voice in my head that comes out on rare occasions is reminding me that death comes early to some; friendships blow up in your face, or worse yet whimper to a sad sorry ending; and dreams and hopes get put away in dusty boxes as responsibilities fog the glasses of the starry eyed dreamer.

Such is life.

In the midst of these musings I've received some comfort from an old leather bound journal, that held much of my memories from just a year ago. As I glanced in the rear view mirror of my life it was so sweet to be reminded of what life was really like.

I was lonely. A lot.

I had some crazy fun adventures.

And I was lonely. A lot.

I spent some time with friends both new and old.

And I spent a lot of time alone (noticing a theme here?).

But through it all God was my constant companion. As I glanced through the Rolodex of names that appeared frequently in my journal (shout out to my friends and family who loved me through Skype!), I realized that in all of those people and in the quiet times God was who was there. He alone walked with me as I learned to embrace the loneliness of that season. And it was really His voice I heard through the friends and family I talked to back in the States. I really grew to know Him as my friend. My very best friend. How sweet to be able to look back and see His voice, His hands, His whisper, His presence in my every situation. It's the sweetness that is only appreciated after the bitter.

So as I begin 2010, part of me really wants to read the last page of the year. Both anxiety and excitement try taking turns occupying my mind as I debate what new experiences I'll have lived through this time next year. But REALLY through it all I am at peace because I know that my Best Friend will be with me.