Fleeting

Have you ever had those moments that just slap you in the face with how short life is? Seems like I've been getting slapped around quite a bit lately with those moments. I'll see a young girl, and while I have no idea who she is, the self-conscious way she holds her head, the wide eyed innocence in her eyes, and her long limbs not yet coordinated will have me blinking to remind myself that I'm not looking in a mirror. Seriously, when did that tall awkward 12 year old turn into a grown woman? I really still feel like I'm still 16 sometimes, yet I know I'm not...when did that happen? Oh dear, that sounded like something my parents would say.....


Other things take me by surprise too. An announcement for a conference or concert that I would have jumped at in the past, but now I barely give it a passing glance. The time for those things is over, and I never even realized it was passing. We pay so much attention to "firsts" in life, but the "lasts" ghost by and aren't even recognized as lasts until way too long.


In some relationships I've been honored to be able to celebrate the beginning, the ordinary in between, and the close. But I find that's not the norm. More often than not, a random occurrence will yank me back to the last time I went Christmas shopping with her, talked in giddy tones with him, or stayed up all night with them. I'm not sad or bitter or even melancholy. Maybe I'm just getting sentimental in my ripe old age :) Or maybe I am realizing once again that life is but a vapor.


I find myself wanting to suck the marrow out of the simple things in life. I don't have to live out a big crazy adventure anymore. I just want to take in the joy of my Dad's laugh, enjoy the easy camraderie of being with my siblings, and eat seconds of food that ONLY my Mom can cook so well.


The Devil tries to tempt me with fear that something bad is about to happen, so I better enjoy today; but I know that truly whether tomorrow holds tragedy or ecstasy, I want to rejoice in the gift of today.


A truth that has really changed my life is that with every transition in life there is something to grieve and something to celebrate. I'm glad to be experiencing a season of life right now where the changes are minimal. But I know everything can change in the blink of an eye. Even in the good changes, there can be sadness over what once was, but is no more. I don't want to regret not simply being with the ones I love, enjoying good health and fresh air, or the luxury of quiet and stillness to enjoy my own thoughts. Perhaps if I'm grateful for all of it, then I will be celebrating the firsts and the lasts.