I have.....nothing???

So this starting from scratch business is taking a little bit longer than I thought. I'll go through a patch where I feel normal then something little will trigger an "I have nothing moment." Yes I am quite ashamed to say those words have crossed my mind and lips. I got really convicted the last time I wanted to vent. I felt God say, Really? Nothing? No home, no house, no car, no friends, no family, no love, no peace of mind, no good health, no joy, no open doors. Yep that's a whole lot of nothing right there! Yes, there are areas where I feel that I am JUST now getting back to the same footing I was on two and a half years ago. And yes I feel alarmed at realizing little things like wow, the weather is changing, I have one pair of pants. That might be a problem :) But truly, rebuilding a life takes time. I am constantly reminding myself that life is lived in years. While much of my initial re-entry shock is over, it will probably still take years for me to really find my footing/groove/rhythm again. Just like it took a year and a half before I found a niche overseas, it may take the same time or longer here. I hate feeling so melodramatic about this whole transition thing. I feel like I should be "over all that" now. It's been 6 months already. I just need to pick myself up, brush the dust off and get on with it. Ha, if only it worked that way right? I distinctly remember a counselor I saw in May telling me to be patient and wait for things to happen. I smiled at her thinking she was SO clueless. I had just bared my soul to her, I'd spent a week with people who understood my shoes, I would be good to go in a few days; a week tops. Ha. Ha Ha. Yeeeeaaaaaah right.

I have a "grateful wall" I keep in my room. A place where I jot down things I'm thankful for, when I feel an abundance of gratitude. Perhaps the real trick though is to write down what I'm grateful for in the "I have nothing moments." It's easy to do anything when you feel like it; but far more stretching to do something even when the feelings are not there.