Desperation vs. Complacency

While talking with some friends who have also lived overseas and have helped me walk through this first hurdle in transitioning I realized something:

I feel good.

I mean REALLY good.

I don't have weekly breakdowns.

I haven't shut down and emotionally retreated.

I'm not painfully lonely.

I can't remember the last time I broke down and cried (at least a weekly occurrence overseas).

I feel safe, secure, and loved.

I am happy and I have peace......ALL the time.

It is weird to feel so good for so long.

I'm not complaining AT ALL, just saying that I'm not used to this.

But it feels very good.

At the same time I was realizing how great I felt, I noticed that it had been a while since I'd had some quality time with God. I was shocked at the dichotomy. I still felt great inside, I was experiencing joy and peace, yet I wasn't replenishing my roots. Overseas, had I dared attempt the same thing I would've been a basket case in no time flat. Therein lies the danger. Because I don't "feel" the same desperation, it's easy to go longer without good connection with the Father. Complacency can creep in so quickly without anything on the outside looking different at all.

Scary.

I can't say that I miss the feeling of constant brokenness and desperation, but I most certainly miss most of the results of what it did in my life (I say most, because not everything was pretty :D).

This past week was a wake up call for me. I am so thankful for the ease of life I am currently experiencing. However, I don't ever want to take the bait of letting my circumstances define my intimacy with the Father. He is worthy of so much more from me; in the good times just as much (if not more so) as the desperate days.