A New Season

So the twenties have come and gone, and a new season of life has begun. I am excited to see all that God has in store for me in the next season. Thanks to all my friends who called, emailed, texted, or facebooked me birthday wishes. It's nice to be remembered :)

I did not make my weight loss goal of being my ideal weight by 30. It's a little disappointing, but 60 lbs is nothing to sneeze at either. Besides, 30 isn't the end, it's just another beginning! So here's to another year of life. It's a gift that I'm grateful to have!

She's done it again!

I love Francine Rivers, and her latest book Her Mother's Hope did not disappoint. I loved, loved, loved her perspective on relationships; mother daughter relationships in particular. It made me think of how we are so affected by our life experiences and how we project those experiences on to others, knowingly and unknowingly. I also was reminded afresh of how deep a mother's love can go. No matter how it manifests, most moms really do love their children and really are doing the very best they can.

If you are looking for a good read that will make you ponder a bit, I highly recommend checking this out. And the best part is the book is one of two. Her Daughter's Dream the sequel just came out on Tuesday!

Happy reading!

My New Favorite Workout Jam

I got a kick out of wondering what I must look like when working out and listening to this song. I feel like I look militant and I KNOW people around me probably think I am borderline crazy, but this song is so good to motivate me! You should at least listen to the first few seconds.....good stuff!

Revolutionary Woman

Revolutionary Dreams

Nikki Giovanni

I used to dream militant dreams
of taking over america to show
these white folks
how it should be done

I used to dream radical dreams
of blowing everyone away
with my perceptive powers
of correct analysis

I even used to think I'd be the one
to stop the riot and
negotiate the peace

then I awoke and dug
that if I dreamed natural
dreams of being a natural
woman doing what a woman
does when she's natural
I would have a revolution.

I have loved this poem since I first discovered it in middle school. Clearly the poem has some radical elements in it, and I'm not trying to make a statement about race. What I love about the poem is the idea, that sometimes we have these dreams of doing crazy outlandish things to accomplish "our vision." And then at some point we realize that it's not about seeking out the unconventional for the sake of making a statement, but that if we live our lives as ordinary people, THAT is the revolution.

For moms and dads who are raising Jesus loving kids in today's society-that's revolutionary.

For singles not shacking up and committing to purity-that's revolutionary.

For those who go to work everyday and are hard workers-that's revolutionary.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I believe and what I say my life is about versus what my life actually looks like. It's easy for me to get off track and think I need to do something crazy, and offbeat to show that yes, I do really believe in X because I did Y. Then I remembered this poem and was reminded that sometimes the revolution happens in the everydayness of life. By being faithful to pray and simply take the next step of what God has planned for you, that's revolutionary.

Remembering the How

I had to laugh to myself as I explained to some new friends how I started my current line of work. As I told the story it seemed like everything just fell into place. One day I came back from living overseas, the next day I reconnected with a friend, then the next day she asked me to help her on a gig, and the day after that I knew it was a perfect fit, and I sailed happily away into career bliss.

Riiiiight.

It's so easy to look back in hindsight and forget the months of questioning, weeks of uncertainty and all that blasted waiting. But it truly is encouraging when I remember how things really went down. So much of life is spent in the waiting room. Often it's not til time and distance have carried me far away that I can look back and see all that God was doing during that time period.

As I find myself in another waiting room, fighting anxiety, fear, and hope, it's good to remember God's goodness and sovereignty.

My present view is not all there is.

My name will be called up soon enough.

I will have the answers I seek.

The waiting will end.

And I'll be able to see more clearly all that God was doing in me during this season. Til then, my only request is that they get some more comfy seats in this waiting room!

That Smell

If you've been around me in the last week and a half (okay, maybe the last month really) you might have noticed an unattractive scent. Don't fear, the blog isn't going there. I'm talking about the smell of burning flesh.

God has been gracious enough to peel back the veil I keep over the undesirable parts of my life and reveal to me how ugly I can be. I am having to die to myself in LARGE doses. I know it's good; but it. is. painful.

I am constantly being reminded that the world does not revolve around me. There are some things that have to get done no matter how tired, cranky, overwhelmed, sleep deprived, or frustrated I am. I still have to serve others with a smile. I still need to place the needs of others before my own. Selflessness and humility need to trump pride over and over again.

I've found myself asking how Jesus could have served so wholly while He was on this earth. He was deserving of the highest honor, yet He took the lowest position in the room. At one moment I found myself complaining to God that I felt like a slave. He replied that I'm not a slave but I need to be a servant. I find myself guilty of using the phrase servant heart carelessly, without feeling the weight of it.

I am grateful for some great examples around me that show what it means to selflessly, continuously serve others. I pray that like them I would continue to die to myself daily. So if you come close to me and something smells a little off....it's a good thing.....just my flesh dying.

I went to a break out group at a conference once about transitions. I came away with so many good truths from that meeting. The speaker said that many times in life during periods of transition, it's the intangible things we grieve the most. The intangibles are often symbolized by tangibles. For example you may miss a tangible thing like your house, but the intangible thing is a feeling of home and belonging. I had a moment that took me by surprise recently. I was prepping my emergency kit bag for work (gum, mints, deodorant, lint roller, etc.) when I went to what used to be my "always ready to go travel kit." For a while I travelled pretty regularly so instead of having to repack some of the same things every time, I just kept travel size deodorant, soap, toothpaste, etc. handy. While I was moving my deodorant from my travel kit to my work kit; I had a little moment. I realized how long it had been since I'd travelled anywhere. I realized the seasons really have changed in my life. It wasn't a sobbing hysterical moment, but just a brief awareness of life moving on.

I've also been spending some time reflecting over the past decade of my life (wow, that made me sound old, I mean oldER). It's been so encouraging to see how God has directed my steps and led me. Yes I've made mistakes but the overwhelming theme of God's faithfulness has been so rich. Elisabeth Elliot had a journal that she called "an omer of manna;" referencing the passage in Exodus where God instructed the Israelites to basically take a jar of the fluffy white stuff that had appeared on the ground for 40 years as their provision, and to keep this jar as a sign to show their children and grandchildren how God provided for them in the desert. I am no Elisabeth Elliot, but I sure have enjoyed reflecting on my "omer of manna" and how God has walked with me through desert times, doubting times, and abundant times. He really is good and faithful. I'm glad I have "memorial stones/omers of manna" to remind me of His character, especially as seasons change in my life.