I may be crazy, but....

I'm thinking of training for a half marathon!

Sobering thoughts

I remember the first time I realized that a boy really was stronger than I was. I know it sounds so silly, but I was always taller and stronger and bigger than any of the guys I knew. And I never encountered a situation that proved otherwise. Until one day I was at work and had happened to enter the elevator the same time as a guy who I worked with. He was goofing around and when I tried to leave the elevator he grabbed my wrist. I immediately pulled at my hand to get it free and was shocked by the realization that I couldn't get free. It wasn't a threatening situation at all, but I remember being so stunned to be face to face with my own weakness. The guy and I were about the same size so I assumed that if push came to shove I could take him. Again, it was all lighthearted horsing around but I clearly remember the shiver of fear that sliced through me at the thought that had this been another situation or another guy with darker intents, my own efforts would not be able to save me. He was much stronger than I was, and my efforts were like a gnat's mere annoyances. Amidst the playing around, I was sobered.

This past month has felt like that moment years ago. Life is full of much fun and playing around, but there's a thin stream just under the surface of incidents cropping up here and there that remind me of my own frailty. Two friends receiving bad reports from the doctor, another friend hospitalized, a relative in peril, the sincere year plus long efforts at job hunting that have turned up nothing for qualified friends who really need employment, the death of a friend's relative, and yet another friend with a parent given mere months to live.

I often say that I want God to be glorified in my life. But often what I really mean is that I want God to be glorified in my successful life. What if He wants to take glory from how I would respond in any of the above given situations. Will I still sing as loud if I suffer physically, in relationships, or my finances? Will I be like my heroes Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego and say that I know that my God has the power to deliver me, but even if He does not (that phrase ALWAYS gives me goosebumps) I'm still going to worship only Him?

Yes I've faced challenges in my life, and sickness and death have touched me very close to home, but I've not faced any of the situations my friends and acquaintances are experiencing. I'm not asking for one by any means, and I don't think that's the only way I can honor God. However it does make me reevaluate how I am responding to the minor trials I am facing right now. Am I hoping to get through this time to the next mountain top, or am I concentrating on how I can glorify God now, in whatever situation I am in? When faced with the awareness of my own frailty do I still struggle and beat the air, or do I bow my knee and worship the God who is truly worthy of my allegiance. NOT because it's my duty to worship despite the x, y, and z I have to suffer through. But because He is a good God who has richly blessed my life with innumerable blessings and is worthy of my praise in the midst of abundance and "hardships" that in the face of eternity are so very insignificant. Perhaps I should rejoice in trials, allowing my sufferings to sober me and bring light to the frailty and brevity of my life; while magnifying the greatness of my eternal, all powerful, omniscient God.

Newbie

For the first time in a VERY long time, I'm finding myself in a completely new circle of people. As in I have never seen or heard or facebooked with or read the blog of or met the daughter/friend/sister of or known in any other regard anyone else in this group. I am engaging in the delicate dance of building relationships with people I literally know nothing about.

It's strange, very strange.

While discussing various issues I find myself wanting to raise the much more relevant question who are you? I only have exterior clues to help answer my question. But a person is much more than his or her outward appearance. So I find myself listening intently to body language, intonation and most importantly to things that are not said. I feel like it's a puzzle, trying to piece together who these people are. A month from now will we be best friends laughing at my oh so crazy first impressions? Or years from now will we pass each other in the grocery store and do the whole "I know that face from somewhere" thing. Who knows.

As I wonder who these people REALLY are, I have the opportunity to ask the same questions of myself. Who am I? Who am I choosing to be with them? Yes, yes, we should all be authentic and genuine, but let's be honest everyone does not need to know the entire truth of who we all are on the first date! So as I'm gauging the responses of others, I'm watching my own as well. Sometimes I'd love to just be my unfiltered self without thinking so much about how much of all of me I want to show. Then again filtering isn't always a bad thing :)

I have the opportunity to get to know lots of new people all the time, but rarely so many new folks all at once. It's good to be reminded of what it's like to be the newbie. And it's good to get the opportunity to have to listen so hard to who people are.

Wrestling

...Sometimes God asks us to wrestle with the unfamiliar until it becomes our new familiar...

-Lisa T. Bergren
Breathe

Cooking Therapy

There are several ways to deal with bad days, and this time my mode of therapy was quite productive. I cooked up some FABULOUS dishes, and although I don't have photos, I should not keep these great recipes to myself!

I got a yummy recipe for nutritous, easy, homemade sausage here. I've been thinking lately that perhaps healthy food can taste good too ( I know, who would've thought) and I've been making an effort to try more recipes in line with the "whole foods" concept. I've enjoyed checking out this blog, and perhaps I'll get some more recipes from there.


For the first time ever I bought a pumpkin and cooked a pie and some AMAZING pumpkin bread from scratch (even my incredibly healthy dad had to go for seconds, and he declared it a new addition to our Thanksgiving Day menu....high praise friends :). It took a bit of time to bake the pumpkin's insides, but it was worth it to get some nutritious pumpkin pulp and cheaper too!


I also struck pure gold with this delightful recipe for a chicken pumpkin stew/curry. I just knew that a vegetable as big and rich in color as the pumpkin had to be good for more than just it's seeds and pies. I wanted to make a non-sweet main dish as well, and all I have to say is sweet mother of pearl, this recipe will become a family staple.

I hope someone gives at least one of these recipes a try. If you do, let me know how it turns out!

Poor no more

Let now the poor

Stand and confess

That my portion is Him

And I'm more than blessed

Desperation vs. Complacency

While talking with some friends who have also lived overseas and have helped me walk through this first hurdle in transitioning I realized something:

I feel good.

I mean REALLY good.

I don't have weekly breakdowns.

I haven't shut down and emotionally retreated.

I'm not painfully lonely.

I can't remember the last time I broke down and cried (at least a weekly occurrence overseas).

I feel safe, secure, and loved.

I am happy and I have peace......ALL the time.

It is weird to feel so good for so long.

I'm not complaining AT ALL, just saying that I'm not used to this.

But it feels very good.

At the same time I was realizing how great I felt, I noticed that it had been a while since I'd had some quality time with God. I was shocked at the dichotomy. I still felt great inside, I was experiencing joy and peace, yet I wasn't replenishing my roots. Overseas, had I dared attempt the same thing I would've been a basket case in no time flat. Therein lies the danger. Because I don't "feel" the same desperation, it's easy to go longer without good connection with the Father. Complacency can creep in so quickly without anything on the outside looking different at all.

Scary.

I can't say that I miss the feeling of constant brokenness and desperation, but I most certainly miss most of the results of what it did in my life (I say most, because not everything was pretty :D).

This past week was a wake up call for me. I am so thankful for the ease of life I am currently experiencing. However, I don't ever want to take the bait of letting my circumstances define my intimacy with the Father. He is worthy of so much more from me; in the good times just as much (if not more so) as the desperate days.