Guilt and Grace

I messed up. I mean I messed up BIG time. I didn't mean to do it. In fact I tried really hard not to, yet I landed face down in a big way. For a while I hoped it wouldn't matter, but eventually I realized that I had to own up to my actions and apologize.

It. was. brutal.

The severity of my wrong stared me straight in the face, and I was crushed. There was no way to fix the matter, in fact reminders of my mess-up were constantly around me. The person who I'd wronged let me know that I was wrong. They weren't harsh, but they didn't cushion the blow either. I was grateful to ask for and receive forgiveness, but that didn't change the past. I still had to and have to today deal with the consequences of my actions. I know there are those who don't know my heart and will only know me by this one action and it makes me sad and ashamed. I grieve for a potential friendship that was halted before it had an opportunity to bloom. And so many times I wish I could rewind the hands of time and remake those decisions over again, but I can't.

Fortunately those same hands of time have lessened the weight of the blow, but not fully removed it. I am continually humbled by the forgiveness I received for the wrong that I did. In all of this, I am so reminded of Jesus and His grace. Yes I feel the weight of this particular wrong, but I am guilty of so much more. Jesus chose to sacrifice His life and take my guilt and my shame. He offered me grace and mercy when I fully deserved the severity of the Father's wrath and justice. I am so thankful for Jesus.